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work jokes



Applying for a Job at the CIA

    A few months ago, there was an opening with theCIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for theposition.  After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to two men and a woman, but only one position was available.

    The day came for the final test to see which peson would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took oneof the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you willfollow our instructions whatever the circumstances," they explained. "Insidethis room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair.  Take this gun and killher."  The man looked horrified and said, "You can't beserious!  I could never shoot my wife!"   "Well," said theCIA man, "you're definitely not the right man for this job then."

    So they brought the second man to the same doorand handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions no matter whatthe circumstances," they explained to the second man.  "Inside you willfind your wife sitting in a chair.  Take this gun and kill her."  Thesecond man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room. Allwas quiet for about 5 minutes; then the door opened.  The man came out of the roomwith tears in his eyes.  "I tried to shoot her; I just couldn't pull the triggerand shoot my wife.  I guess I'm not the right man for the job."

    "No," the CIA man replied, "Youdon't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

    Now they only had the woman left to test.They led her to the same door to the same room and handed her the same gun.  "We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances;this is your final test.  Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Takethis gun and kill him." The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the dooreven closed all the way, the CIA men heard the gun start firing, one shot after anotherfor 13 shots.  Then all hell broke loose in the room. They heard screaming, rashing,and banging on the walls.  This went on for several minutes; then all wentquiet. 

    The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman.  She wiped the sweatfrom her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded withblanks.  I had to beat the son of a bitch to death with the chair!"



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Baking funeral
Veteran Pillsbury spokesman, Pop N. Fresh, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71. Known to friends as "Brown-n-Serve," Fresh was an avid gardener and tennis player. Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Aunt Jemima, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Skippy. The graveside was piled high with flours as longtime friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded." Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes -- conned by those who buttered him up. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions. He enjoyed being prodded by his many friends who invariably poked fun at him. Fresh is survived by his second wife. They have two children and another bun in the oven. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
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Unusual order - Category : Restaurant Jokes
A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall: $500 IF WE FAIL TO FILL YOUR ORDER! When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant dung on rye. She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen where all hell breaks loose! The restaurant owner comes storming out of the kitchen. He runs up to the customer's table, slaps five $100 bills down on it and says, - "You got me that time buddy, but I want you to know that's the first time in ten years we've been out of rye bread!"
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